[Valid Atom 1.0] BarbaraEllen: Friday 'Fessional: I Am High-Maintenance. (In Disguise.)

Friday, November 30, 2012

Friday 'Fessional: I Am High-Maintenance. (In Disguise.)

I am always surprised when I remember that I am high-maintenance. It’s not like I UVA/B tan. (Anymore.) Painted-on face? …Neutrals, only. Standing mani/pedis? Nope.  Just the biweekly therapist. …

While I may not look like this:

I love this movie.
(Taken from Google Images)
I sound like this:

TellmeImpretty.Mynailjustchipped!IfImissyogaIWILLFREAK!!YeahImeditate,so?Canwetalkaboutourfeelingsagain?Threecoatsmascaramin.Imgettingamigraine.Isthatorganic?Ionlyusesulfatefreeshampoo.Myheadreallyhurts.Doesmyfacelookfat?Ineedmorewater.Doesthisshirtlookold?Imeanbuthowdoyoufeelaboutit?Ughmyhead!Doyouhavecottonballs?Thisshirtwouldlookcuterifitwasthrifted.Myhandsarefreezing.Imnotdoneyet.AmIoutoftoner!?Canyougetmemorewater?Butyouresowarmjusttouchthem.GodmyheadhurtsANDIfeeltired.Onlynondietcokethanks.

I'm not high maintenance.
(And sometimes I look like this. Thank you Facebook Timeline.)

I blame it on Momsly & Da’ Moe. Naturally. You see, I am the middle child, and I am the only girl. John, carry in your sister’s laundry! A common demand issued by my dad upon my Sunday arrivals home. Graham, can you get me a glass of water? My most favorite question to have answered. You see, Graham’s the younger brother. Growing up, I jumped on the window of opportunity to condition him to believe that: a) as my inferior, he had to get me water, and b) to reinforce it with the conditional that, as a boy, he had to help. Fifteen+ years later, I have a fresh glass of water (mostly) every time I ask.

Momsly & Da' Moe are the worst offenders. By that, I mean the best parents ever. As I am the only girl, Momsly is highly inclined to spoil me with any & all knick-knacks she happens upon during her outings. Many are saved to cushion hoiday & birthday gifts. Many more are given on-the-spot as tokens of thoughtfulness & spoils. Of course, I reciprocate whenever possible. Da' Moe? Well he just sets an impossible standard for any potential suitor. (Which, I suppose, is the point.) But pretty much, I am the most beautiful girl there ever was and ever will be, every single day, throughout the day, even with 2 day-old hair, a fuzzy yellow bathroom, smeared make-up, and a scraggly scarf. It's always, Phew! Look at those baby blues. Or, Girl you got them cabelles. [hair] They are lookin' good. (Plus, kid you not...) You go down to New York City & Women will skin you for that hair! (Hearing this gem since 1991.) Sure, sure. His compliments are eccentric. And, of course, he always notes how stale my hair smells, or when my breath reeks, or when I have boogies hanging-out. Nonetheless, he always compliments. He always means it. And he always says it more than once.

So, now you know gents. You are going to have to compliment me at least 2-3times, daily. At least. And you have to mean it. Even when I look like this.


Blame it on Da' Moe.

I

xo. 

Oh. And Da' Moe always tells me how funny I am & 
then laughs at all of my jokes to acknowledge my clever-ness. 
(So, put that on your list, too.)

No comments:

Post a Comment

Not your typical BarbaraEllen ... but still be constructive. Creative also welcome! xo.