[Valid Atom 1.0] BarbaraEllen: Internal Monologue. Follow Up! New Year's Resolutions 2013.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Internal Monologue. Follow Up! New Year's Resolutions 2013.

Good news is, I have cramps. Sure, I already made the decision to forego yoga in lieu of eating cookies, snuggling up, & blogging about my decision to forego yoga, before I had cramps. But still. Pangs and micro-bursts of torture supersede the trite, all-too-every-man excuse known as the weather. Logic? Everyone has to endure 11 degree temps. Not everyone has to sit through torrents of cramps. So, somewhat pathetically, I've justified my decision to ditch the holistic practice of  Gentle/Restorative Yoga by rejoicing in my cramps. (Absurd.)

I'm dressed for yoga. And I never went.
 This phot was ripped from a notebook.
How are my News Years Resolutions coming, anyway??

You will recall that I have 5. Or rather, 5 steps to attain 1 goal: To Trust My Instincts More Fully. It's easy to become discouraged with NYR only because we hold such great, often unrealistic, expectations for them & of ourselves. Realistically, in order for me to complete all 5 every single day, I'd have to exert some force of control. If I expect myself to journal nightly, practice yoga/dance regularly, & meditate daily, for instance, along side all of my other obligations such as work/family/friends/blogging/volunteering/cooking/breathing... I'd have to closely control every square inch of my time. The danger is loosing the big picture. Once these 5 resolutions become an impetus of control, they loose all validity & meaning. Trust in myself dissipates. 

So, I reflect. 

This is where all of the snuggling & most
of the reflecting & writing occurs. My bed.

1. Practice Patience. I actually do this! Namely, I do not freak-out during travel when I feel I might be late ... even if it is super important! It's as though allowing myself the space to practice  & to exercise patience with myself is enough to create a more trusting, nurturing, & calm me. Wweeee!

2. Journal Nightly. This I do not do every single night. But I do not mind. It's those nights when something particularly sticky muddies up my mind that I pick up a journal & write. Whereas previously it would have clung to my thoughts and strangled the dear life out of all of the good ones remaining. 

3. Yoga & Dance Regularly. Not doing so well. Particularly the past 2 weeks. It's not so much I'm upset that I've missed the past 2 weeks ... as it is I do not trust myself to continue regularly now that a cesura has occurred. See, trust issue! Granted, I have quite valid reasons for missing the past 2 weeks. Still, I distrust. 

4. Free Range Meat Only. Doing well! About 95% of the time I don't crave meat, anyhow. The times I've strayed have been in restaurants, which I account for in my original NYR. ... Plus the time I ate my mama's homemade chicken & dumplings. (No regrets.) 

5. Meditate Daily. Yes. Although now that I'm comfortable with this, I can probably make it more structured. 

Overall, this entire post amounts to me not trusting myself with #3: Yoga & Dance Regularly. (Regularly being the operative word.) I guess I'll see what comes this coming week! I will trust  (as opposed to guilt or berate or control, etc.), so that I make the right decisions for me. And in the meantime, cookies, snuggle, & blog.

These cookies are so good.
Thank you Trader Joe's.


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Not your typical BarbaraEllen ... but still be constructive. Creative also welcome! xo.