[Valid Atom 1.0] BarbaraEllen: Life. ...At Least I'm Not As Sad: Ode to FUN.

Monday, September 17, 2012

Life. ...At Least I'm Not As Sad: Ode to FUN.

Isn't music and aren't lyrics something all of us--even boys--use to feel, think,  & cry grow? Here are some that have helped me to process (work toward forgiveness, let go of shame, yaddayadda) over the past 5 months. And will probably help me to do more over the next 5 to come.

FUN.
Aim & Ignite


FUN.
Some Nights


Yup. That's right. I listened (eventually) to Fun. Ironic if you know the story. Perhaps more so if you endured the aftermath of it beside me. So, like a junior in high school when I copied Dave Matthew's Band lyrics onto every conceivable paper-like space, I am journaling for you, those that got me through.

Roc City Downtown.
Top: Riverside Convention Center. Pilar.
Bottom: First Federal Building. Where I Parked When I Ran Out of Gas.

When Life is 
Every Single Thing 
But:



[...]
Oh why, Oh why
Oh why haven't you been there for me?
Can't you see, I'm losing my mind this time?
This time I think it's for real, I can see


All the tree tops turning red
The beggars near bodegas grin and me
I think they want something
I close my eyes, and tell myself to breathe

and be calm.
Be calm.



 [...]
C'mon, Holy ghosts
When do you come out to play?
'Cause if the Lord is gonna find me,
He'd better start looking today.

So I can rise with the river
We all float before we sink
So pray for satellites,
Pray for courtesy
and pray that it can climb mountains to me!
I say goodbye to the canyon.
I will set sail to the streets
where I don't care to be forgiven
I want to be forgotten.
I don't care to be forgiven
When Lord I only want to be forgotten.
[...]
For all my big mistakes.


[...]
So I left, that is it. That’s my life, nothing is sacred.
I don’t keep friends, I keep acquainted,
I’m not a prophet, but I’m here to profit.

That’s all, I’m gone! That’s my life, nothing is sacred.
I don’t fall in love, I just fake it.
I don’t fall in love. I don’t fall in love.


[...]
Well, some nights, I wish that this all would end
Cause I could use some friends for a change
And some nights, I'm scared you'll forget me again
Some nights, I always win, I always win...

But I still wake up, I still see your ghost
Oh Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for, oh
What do I stand for? What do I stand for?
Most nights, I don't know... (come on)


[...]
Though I've never been through hell like that 
I've closed enough windows 
To know you can never look back.

* * *

It's been

...

Fun.




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Not your typical BarbaraEllen ... but still be constructive. Creative also welcome! xo.

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