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Monday, September 17, 2012

Life. ...At Least I'm Not As Sad: Ode to FUN.

Isn't music and aren't lyrics something all of us--even boys--use to feel, think,  & cry grow? Here are some that have helped me to process (work toward forgiveness, let go of shame, yaddayadda) over the past 5 months. And will probably help me to do more over the next 5 to come.

Aim & Ignite

Some Nights

Yup. That's right. I listened (eventually) to Fun. Ironic if you know the story. Perhaps more so if you endured the aftermath of it beside me. So, like a junior in high school when I copied Dave Matthew's Band lyrics onto every conceivable paper-like space, I am journaling for you, those that got me through.

Roc City Downtown.
Top: Riverside Convention Center. Pilar.
Bottom: First Federal Building. Where I Parked When I Ran Out of Gas.

When Life is 
Every Single Thing 

Oh why, Oh why
Oh why haven't you been there for me?
Can't you see, I'm losing my mind this time?
This time I think it's for real, I can see

All the tree tops turning red
The beggars near bodegas grin and me
I think they want something
I close my eyes, and tell myself to breathe

and be calm.
Be calm.

C'mon, Holy ghosts
When do you come out to play?
'Cause if the Lord is gonna find me,
He'd better start looking today.

So I can rise with the river
We all float before we sink
So pray for satellites,
Pray for courtesy
and pray that it can climb mountains to me!
I say goodbye to the canyon.
I will set sail to the streets
where I don't care to be forgiven
I want to be forgotten.
I don't care to be forgiven
When Lord I only want to be forgotten.
For all my big mistakes.

So I left, that is it. That’s my life, nothing is sacred.
I don’t keep friends, I keep acquainted,
I’m not a prophet, but I’m here to profit.

That’s all, I’m gone! That’s my life, nothing is sacred.
I don’t fall in love, I just fake it.
I don’t fall in love. I don’t fall in love.

Well, some nights, I wish that this all would end
Cause I could use some friends for a change
And some nights, I'm scared you'll forget me again
Some nights, I always win, I always win...

But I still wake up, I still see your ghost
Oh Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for, oh
What do I stand for? What do I stand for?
Most nights, I don't know... (come on)

Though I've never been through hell like that 
I've closed enough windows 
To know you can never look back.

* * *

It's been



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Not your typical BarbaraEllen ... but still be constructive. Creative also welcome! xo.